You know exactly who you are, what you are doing, and where you are going, then life throws you a curve ball. You are thinking, WHY ME and and why is everything so complicated. Believe it or not, we are all in the same boat! Share you stories, your tramas, and even your memories that make you laugh out loud, because other people may going through the same thing as you. As time passes by day by day, do you find yourself repeating the phrase, "That's so typical!"

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Just NOT my Day

So I was told I haven't written in a while and people look forward to reading my listings! If you want to hear details of my soap opera life you have to talk to me in person other then that this week was crazy. I already had a full schedule and it was only Monday!!
How did this week go by so quickly?!?

Busy Busy.... Running around NYC has it's ups and downs as you can imagine. I am out everyday trying to bring in new business for my company. But Wednesday was a day from hell and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse it DID (that was until I had say about 10 drinks in me!)

Every morning my team has a 9:30am meeting with our manager, but today my client scheduled a meeting with me at 9am on the Upper West Side (my office is in the East Village). I took the liberty of informing my manager on Tuesday night so I covered my tracks and got his approval. So if you know anything about NYC the commute from the east side to the west side is anytime of the day hell on earth and then to the UPPER WEST in RUSH HOR TRAFFIC, don't even get me started!! I woke up earlier than usual to make sure I had enough time for the dreaded commute and it is POURING. Great morning start!

I make it up to the office with time to spare so I decide to get my client and myself a cup of coffee. I check into the building and the client is not there. I end up waiting around 30 minutes before someone comes out to greet me with the news that the client has to cancel our appointment. He couldn't have called me earlier to tell me he was sick!! HU???? I trek all the way back to my office in the rain and my I am getting hounded on how many contracts I am going to bring in this week. I just had a miserable morning and now I now I'm getting work pressure. Lovely.

Then one of my other advertisers called to pull out their ad that was running this week and it made me late to my next appointment. The meeting as you can guess was a completed waste of my time and they did not sign the contract!!! And by the way it was still raining and wet and gross out. I get back to the office and realize I left my cardigan at my last meeting and had to run back over to the west side again! When it stopped raining I walked around the west side a little until 6:00 and totally forgot that I was supposed to meet my sister at 7:30, but I had to get back to work to process payment for an ad that was going to run the next day.

It starts raining again and it takes me 45 minutes to get back to the east side! ERRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrr New York/Rush hour/Rain. HORRIBLE! When I get back to work I had three messages about billing problems and the creative on one of my ads that ran wrong!!! I couldn't take it. I shut my computer off and just left work. This day couldn’t get any worse and I was just looking forward to a nice dinner with my sister (although I had to hall ass back to the west side). I make it down to the subway just in time to see the doors close in my face. GREAT! I am already late!! I was standing around for another 15 minutes until the next train came saying, this day was so bad that it couldn't possible get any worse!! That was until some old smelly guy stuck his arm pit in my face on the subway with no room to move anywhere. So I was in tears from earlier, wet from the rain, late to meet up with my sister, and to top it all off I had an arm pit in my face! YUMMY!!

THANK GOODNESS FOR ALCOHOL- The rest of the night was a drunken slur! THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY :)

Monday, May 15, 2006

An Unexpected Encounter with a rolled up dollar bill

The author of this story requested to remain anonymous

When you think of Billy Joel, what comes to mind? Red wine, piano bars, maybe even Christie Brinkley. In my opinion, Billy Joel is best enjoyed with a beer, or maybe a glass of red or white wine...or perhaps rose? A Billy Joel concert isn't really the kind of event that requires a tailgate, especially when this event is at Madison Square Garden. I was invited--or should I say, I was invited as a guest of my father's--to sit in box seats for a Billy Joel concert not too long ago. A Long Island girl at heart (or a "rich girl from the North Shore" as Billy would say), I was very excited to just kick back and have my favorite entertainer, well.....entertain me. The box was sponsered by a classic (achem, not necessarily classy) New York newspaper.

The hosts were in the Advertising Dept (sales, specifically), which I assumed (correctly) meant that I would have no peace and quiet, but would rather be subjected to small talk, and fluffy conversation about their less than stellar main competitor--as it happens, both of these newspapers are mentioned in Billy's song "New York State of Mind." Still, I walked in with a good attitude--which was a result of knowing that I was about to enter a zone of free, delicious food, and endless bottles of wine and beer.

Then I met *David, whose name has been changed because 1. I have to protect the innocent and 2. I really can't remember his name. David is one of those people who embody the phrase that your parents always told you: "You have to accept people for who they are (no matter how weird or annoying they might be)." So David's an OK guy. We chat, he tells me how he just looooves living in a white glove building and wants to know how mine compares (he automatically assumes that I live in one--which I don't, thank you very much). He asks where I go to school, and I tell him that I work for a consulting firm (whose name I will also leave out, to protect the innocent--namely me). He kind of dismisses my attempt at normal conversation and decides that he needs to sit next to my Dad and talk business. Now, if you know my Dad, you know that he only socializes/networks when he absolutely has to. So as soon as David goes to the bathroom (which will be important in just a mere moment), my Dad and I devise a plan to get David to move. David comes back from the bathroom and now appears increasingly intoxicated. Throughout the entire concert, David is singing the words to every song and slapping me and my Dad (g-d help him) on our knees when any good song comes on--and "booing" throughout any song that he doesn't think is worthy.

By the time David has reached a new level of annoyance, I am starting to think that something is wrong with him. Briefly I consider that he is stoned--but stoned people are usually a little more laid back. Then I think--hey, maybe he's coked out. He exhibits all the signs (some of which I know about first hand)---but on the other hand, it's possible he has some sort of neurological disorder that I'm not familiar with that causes him to act like a complete idiot. I take the high road and assume that he is hosting the box on behalf of his company, his boss (who is very high up in the company) is there, and he's hosting some pretty prominent clients, so he's probably just someone who rode the short bus growing up. Concert ends, and we are all packing up our stuff. David sits up from his folding movie-style seating chair, and I notice something underneath it. Upon closer inspection, I see that it is a dollar bill---conveniently rolled up. So as we are exiting the aisle, the conversation goes something like this:

Naive Me: Hey David, is this your dollar bill? I saw it under your seat when you got up. Did you drop it?
David (mildly freaking out): Ummm...what? No!
Naive Me: Are you sure? It's rolled up--I don't know why, but it was under your seat.
David (.....and starting to sweat): No, no, it's not mine. I don't know what your talking about
Naive Me: It was under your seat. You must've dropped it. It's a rolled up dollar bill, so weird. Are you sure?
David (exiting stage left): Ummm...

At this point, David bolts from the box and I turn to my sister who has been nudging me in my side for the last 2 minutes during the convo. At that point, she rolls her eyes, and her and her boyfriend start hysterical laughing. They tell me that David was so obviously coked out and probably just had a mild heart attack when I called him out in front of everyone. Apparently David was dabbling in nose candy as often as I was downing glasses of red that evening; little remnants sprinkled across the bathroom counter.

So, it looks like my dreams of writing a column for that paper are probably shot---though the memory of that night will live on.

Moral of the story: 1. Cocaine and Billy Joel do not mix, and 2. If you are going to get that f*cked up...destroy all the evidence!!

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Melissa and the "J-date Stalker"

So I finally decided to jump on the bandwagon and join in the fun of online dating. I got an IM from this guy who found my profile on the website and we chatted for over a half hour (a decent amount of time for online!). The conversation was going well and he asked for my number. The next day I got a missed call in the middle of the day and he left me a voicemail. I was at work so didn't pick up. Anyway, it was one of those days and I didn't walk into my apartment till after 8 and I wasn't in the best of moods - my best friends probably wouldn't even wanted to talk to me. So anyway, he calls my cell again at 830 and I didn't pick up. He calls me AGAIN at 8:45 from a different phone number and I still don't pick up. Then my phone rings two seconds later and it comes up as 'restricted.' I picked up, only because my mom comes up as restricted, and there's nobody on the other end. Two minutes later, yet another phone call from the original number. At this point, I'm just not picking up because it's a bit scary.
Later in the night I sign online and he IMs me. I told him that I didn't pick up because I've been real busy and I'm just exhausted - granted it wasn't the nicest thing to do, but whatever..conversation done. THEN I get an IM from a different screenname and the first thing he says is 'r u too busy to chat?' SO being the AIM stalker that I am, I look and see that he has been online for one minute. Told him I was too busy and maybe we can chat tomorrow. End of story ... or so I thought. TWO WEEKS later he IMs me again from both screen names and I decided to block him on my buddy list because he was getting a bit stalkerish. Then a week after that I get an IM from a THIRD screename and the conversation was as follows:
guy: hey (insert my name here)
me: who is this?
guy: i just wanted to thank you
guy: for being a b--ch u give me ur number and never answer or return calls
me: sorry
guy: sorry ur mother
guy: that's messed up b--ch
Okay, done, right??? NOPE!! The next day I get a phone call on my cell while at work from 'restricted' and I check my voicmail to hear the following: "hey it's (his name). I just wanted to know why the hell you give me your number and you don't pick up or return calls...Maybe you shouldn't go on jdate so i don't have to deal with f--ked up b--ches like you." Maybe this kid should chill out. Oh wait, did I mention that he doesn't even have a profile on the website? He was just searching profiles. Figures, the first guy I give my number to online is a crazy stalker...that's so typical!!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

My Rendezvous in Chelsea

Today I had the opportunity to sit down for a break and get some lunch, but where do I end up instead? Well Starbucks obviously! I needed that jolt of energy since I walked from 9th Ave and 50th all the way to 9th and 14th street. It was a beautiful day and I was doing what I do best, exploring NYC looking for potential customer to advertise in my newspaper. Yes, I am now a full time Account Executive for "The NYC Voice" and I love it. So back to the story…
I order and pay for my coffee and sat at a table next to this gorgeous guy studying his Fordham Law books. We started talking and carried on a great conversation for about a half an hour. He was very smart- originally from LA, went to undergrad at NYC and now studying to be a lawyer at Fordham. He was really good looking too, a little scruffy with a 5:00 shadow dark hair and blue eyes- just my type, but after a half an hour of milking my latte, I had to get back to work. I turned to him and said, I usually don’t do this but would it be totally inappropriate of me if I asked you fro your number?” And he responded, “In any other circumstance it would be fine, but I have a BOYFRIEND!!!!!” WHAT do you say to that??!! I was at a loss for words and he told me that most people never guess that he is gay. I should have thought more clearly about this! I WAS in the heart of NYC’s gay community and he was actually holding a good conversation AND LISTENING TO ME!! That is so my luck!! The cute smart guy that I totally clicked with is taken and even better, by another GUY!! This is my typical situation. I always meet cute guys that are either taken or have messed up issues!!!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

"Don't it always seem to go you don't know what you got till it's GONE"

So the same old typical story goes girl wants guy when he is unavailable and guy only wants girl AFTER he screwed up a good thing and then realizes he made a mistake and wants her back..... THAT'S SO TYPICAL!
And it just happens to be the story of my life!

Stupid Guy: Hey, just wanted to say congrats to you. You seem to be doing really well since graduation. Sorry again things went so awry, but if it means anything to you, the situation with Hillary and I ended very abruptly, and I got what was coming to me. just wanted to say i'm sorry again. I really fucked up and you deserve better and i'm glad to see you doing as well as you seem to be
Me: yeah I know. It was kind of out of the blue!
Stupip Guy: I'm sorry Pam.
Me: I was interesting that you were with Hillary though since she IS my sorority sister. That is so not something i would expect from you, but I guess you have to live and learn
Stupid Guy: I know, this whole past year has been interesting... I'm hoping that I can turn things around and begin to reconcile all the things that i messed up. You are as good a point as any to begin, since i was such a shadeball
Me: Well im glad that you came to your senses and can admit that! Why the sudden change around??
Stupid Guy: I'm working my way out of a very low point in my life- part of that was putting Hillary at the top of my list of priorities, which not only killed my finances, but made me do some very shitty things in the process to people that didn't deserve it. The money thing is the least of my worries, i just can't get over how terribly i acted towards you
Me: Well i think i was just a little driven back cause we were friends and then you completely shut me off and then lied to me
Stupid Guy: I know, I'm not proud, and in fact, quite ashamed!! I'm hoping that by reconciling things with you, i can begin piecing my life back together and regaining my integrity, pride, honor and moral convictions.
Me: It was just so weird cause you told me that you were the one who wanted to spend time with me. I'm not mad at you and I never hold a grudge at all
Stupid guy: Thank you pam, I appreciate that
Me: Well at least you realized how stupid you acted
Stupid Guy: yeah, only too late
ME: It's just sad, it could have been so different
Stupid Guy: So true! It's so disappointing that I realized that too late!
Me: "Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you go till its gone" is the perfect quote
Stupid Guy: Yeah, so true! Well I hope all works out for you and maybe I'll see you sometime. Thanks for chatting... its an unbelievable burden off my shoulders to know I've done something to make up for my shortcomings. Anyhow, I'm out... sorry again. best of luck in your future!

Monday, April 03, 2006

Mike MJ is an "outlier, but not an out liar"

It's an exhilarating and “arousing” experience to sleep with a 32 year-old woman who is divorced from her husband. What makes the tale all the better is that my ex-girlfriend Janna and I used to baby-sit for her kids together. But wait, the story gets even more complicated from here.Let me give you some background…..
Janna, my ex-girlfriend, was the love of my life until she broke my heart. Her current boyfriend, Matt (who we will now refer to as “the punk”) feels so threatened by me that in order to overcome his insecurities, the punk decided to get me thrown out of a bar, just to show Janna who was the boss. As irony would have it, Janna has been reaching out to me lately through calls and texts to tell me how lonely she is—guess the punk isn’t quite the man he made himself out to be. Little does she know that she has no shot of getting back together with me—not after what she put me through.Enter Amy--Janna's hot co-worker and the 32 year-old divorcee I mentioned earlier—who I run into at a bar after 5 months of not seeing her. That night, I gave her my number and we started hanging out. Obviously, we sleep together…Or as Amy calls it we start "seeing each other," albeit secretly. I explained to Amy that Janna should not find out about us “seeing each other,” and before you can say “I had sex with your co-worker” all hell broke loose. Manhattan might be called the “Big Apple,” but anyone who lives here knows that if you are trying to avoid someone in Manhattan, you will inevitably keep running into them until you resolve whatever issues you have. Exhibit 1—While Amy and I are out at a bar, out of the corner of my eye, I see Janna and her boyfriend. As soon as Janna sees us, she immediately gets jealous and the next thing I know, I am being thrown out onto the street, Amy in tow. Now I am no expert, but usually getting thrown out on your ass by your ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend isn’t a good thing—but lo and behold, Janna’s calls and texts became even more frequent.
Ready for the twist? Amy tells me that her husband, from who she is recently divorced, wants to get back with her. And the kicker? She wants to keep me on the side. I may be an outlier in this relationship saga, but I am not a straight out liar. Everyone has their hang-ups, and I am not perfect, but I never cheated on anyone…ever! Just last night I went to dinner with my ex-girlfriend (Janna) and a mutual friend, but to this day, she still doesn't know that I had been sleeping with her co-worker friend, whose ex-husband is trying to get back together with her.
And just like any soap opera style drama, there is always the one person who goes and makes matters worse. After that dinner, I bumped into this girl Natalie, who I went to high school with, at a bar. She flirts with me and she then does the 21st century version of stalking and looks me up on “My Space.” Maybe I rubbed Natalie the wrong way at some point, or maybe she was annoyed that I didn’t return her advances, but this past weekend Natalie hung out with….you guessed it, Janna. I suppose they have mutual friends. I don’t know how the topic came up, but Natalie went on to tell Janna that she knows me and that I am a “player.” Great. I was slapped with a bad reputation that, at least in my opinion, I have yet to live up to.
Moral of the story? New York and New Jersey may seem big at times, but in reality, social circles collide and the world, along with your sense of privacy, becomes that much more diminutive. A word to the wise: Be careful what (and who) you do and who you talk about. You never know who knows who, and who is listening to what you have to say. You might end up alone on your couch, with your foot in your mouth, instead of that tasty beer on a Saturday night! That's so typical!!

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Rachel's experience with Sex and Bagels

Where is my knight in shining armor who going to rescue me from thw perils of reality? Where is this so called tall dark and handsome man that will unexpectedly sweep me off my feet? Where is my storybook ending? Will I ever fall in love at first sight? Well not for now!! Now, I’m playing the field as an INDEPENDENT Woman. I am one of those girls who are too old for their age, if that makes any sense. I’ll give you an example. When I was only fourteen, I was dating a high school senior. I will always remember the first time I snuck out of my house on Long Island to “run away” to New York City for the night. My boyfriend took me to Bleeker Street to purchase my first fake ID. A crummy Florida State license authorized me to get into any bar and club in New York. A simple smile and a wink can get any girl into the clubs at that time, along with my oh so flirtatious personality.
So after a few years of growing up, graduating college, and moving, into one of the largest cities in the world, one would think there has to be someone somewhere out there right? WRONG! Casual sex has become the new and accepted means of dating/hooking up. Guys in there 20's, unless they already have girlfriends that they plan on getting engaged to in the next few years, are NOT looking for a commitment. If you don’t believe me go see Failure to Launch. It was hysterical and so pertinent to what men and woman are going through in today’s society.

Let me explain further...

“You are Right!” I found myself admitting in writing in an email. “We had our fun together, but like YOU said, I deserve someone better, it just took me more time to figure that out!” This sounds like an official breakup, yet I was never really going out with him in the first place. I was hooking up with this guy on and off for an entire summer and we had a mutual Saturday night sex and Sunday morning Bagels (with the occasional viewing of Sex and the City DVDs) agreement. It seemed ideal, except I didn’t like being penciled into his strict schedule. He would call when it was convenient for him and the rules were, sex before 12:00am because he had to be up at 6am for his slave laboring investment-banking job. Can you tell I’m bitter? The thing is, we did have fun together and we got along great (not to mention the sex was fabulous), except he was married to his job (and still is) so I never got to see him outside of the bedroom and on Sundays for Bagels. We are still friends but nothing every escalated into a real relationship. Typical! Ohhhh well, there are other fishes in the sea...